Month: June 2013

 

 

As we begin this series, please be mindful that topics discussed are mature in content.  I know some of you share the devotionals with your children or grandchildren.

Proverbs Chapter 5: 1,3,4,8,9,10:

1. My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding

3. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil,

4. but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.

8. Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house,

9. lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless,

10. lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner

The book of Proverbs, as we have seen, is written as admonishment and as instruction by a father to his sons. In this case, the father is King Solomon of Israel—Israel’s wisest king. As we progress through Proverbs in Chapters 5 and 6, Solomon deals with allurement, passion, sex, the fallout from unfaithfulness, and the benefits of being faithful. This single sin of infidelity alone has destroyed families, putting the children on a dangerous path of not just present pain but future pain as well. Also, the violated spouse not only has his or her pain with which to deal, but the responsibility of picking up the pieces and holding the family together. The fallout of a broken home affects everyone’s self-esteem, making the children especially vulnerable to potentially high risk and just wrong choices, as their emotional base of self-esteem shifts from the home to seeking approval from their peers, as the remaining spouse is simply spread too thin to cover all the needs of the family. This fallout used to be mostly the fault of the husband, but over the past several years, women having affairs have outnumbered men. Maybe some of this increase with woman can be contributed to shows that glamorize an affair and repeatedly condition us to accept infidelity as a “social norm.” (Broken lives should never be accepted as a social norm; this is when you know your society is sick.)  So, though the scriptures are written in the masculine gender, they also very much apply to women. So with that said, let’s start.

Verse 1:  “My son (or daughter), be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding.” To avoid this kind of destructive sin, it starts right here. To whose wisdom are we going to listen? In that moment, when attraction and desire start to kindle an inward flame, how do we respond? As the moments tick away, turning into minutes, the will weakens and the conscience begins to betray that which it knows to be right, as passion clouds judgment. Action is what is needed—the same action we would take if we saw a vehicle coming towards our child.  There is no time to think “what if.” There must be action—a resolve to get the child out of danger—and we must do the same. To be “attentive to” and “incline your ear” means that what has been said has been received and there is no debate. A decision has been made prior, so in the face of temptation, the only decision to be made is when to walk, not if. A resolute decision is made to step away, keeping it professional, not going along with the “word games” that go along with flirtation. You walk away with no “open door or forwarding address.” 

Verse 3:  “For the lips of a forbidden woman (or man) drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil.”  The words we use today are different, but we get the message—she is hot or he is really good looking. The psychology of an affair is complicated, but it starts here—physical attraction. Chemically, we are wired to be attracted to beauty, be it another person, a vehicle or home, an outfit, or a painting. We internally get “turned on,” but why?  Why is beauty such an issue with us? I will give you an answer that initially will sound way out in left field, but we were made to worship the “Lord in the Beauty of His Holiness.”  From creation, we were meant to worship the Lord, to be fulfilled with His love. In his completeness, we are made whole. In the absence of this, we are emotionally hungry. Empty would be another word, or spiritually void of God’s love, which has a direct affect on our self-esteem. And just like our kids take risks because of a broken home, we take risks because our lives are broken, spiritually void of the worship/love relationship we were created to have. I know I just jumped over a whole bunch of Biblical teaching to draw these conclusions, but ask yourself this:  “Why are you (we) attracted to beauty? The attraction is deep because of the length and the risks we are willing to go to attain it. Could it be in lieu of worshipping the Lord—that this person or thing becomes an object of worship for us? We believe that he, she, or it can fulfill us. That would explain the risks we take, whether it is going into debt to buy a car we can’t afford so our self-esteem is built up or ending up in an affair that initially meets our need, though it is at the expense of our family. Logically, who would do that? Logic, however, is not what is used here.  Emotional hunger, if it is deep enough, wins every time.

Verses 4, 8, 9 & 10: “but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.  Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner.”  I once got into an argument with an Army recruiter, who was trying to recruit my newly turned 18-year-old daughter. I was about as angry as I have ever been, but I kept control, more so than he did, as he accused me of not knowing what “honor” was, after I told him his actions of not consulting the parents, regardless of what the law permitted, was not honorable. My response to his mocking accusation silenced him. Honor is when a man or women does the right thing, even to his or her own hurt. (This actually is a verse in Proverbs.)  So what has happened to honor?  It used to be that whether the actions of another were right or wrong, I respected myself enough to do the right thing. And when is it someone else’s responsibility to make me happy?  Is that not the justification we use: “They no longer make me happy.”  What has happened to us that we have become so empty of virtue? Has honor been trampled in the streets?  Has truth become overrun by lies that mask as truth?  Verse 4 says:  “but in the end she is bitter as wormwood”(an extremely bitter remedy used in ancient days to kill intestinal worms) and“sharp as a two-edged sword”? (The implication is that it cuts on both ends, causing severe bleeding and or death.)  The remedy is: “Keep your way far from her (or him), and do not go near the door of her house, lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner.”   View him or her as another empty human being, who is caught in the same web of lies in which you are becoming entangled. Unless action is taken, you will become both a victim and a perpetrator of the same cruel lie that has destroyed both reputation and wealth of a long line of people who decided to live “life” their way. 

Father God,

There is no way to deal gently with such destruction. It is a cancer that lies within us, and if given freedom, will consume and kill all manner of honor, love, joy, and peace. For us to believe otherwise only testifies to the fact of how conditioned and calloused we have become. Forgive us Father, for only in You is there any ray of hope to right the great wrong that has been done, whether we are the cause or the victim. 

Thank you and Amen.

May God help us – Arthur

Proverbs Chapter 5: 1,3,4,8,9,10

1. My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding

3. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil,

4. but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.

8. Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house,

9. lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless,

10. lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner

 

 

We have had two studies concerning the importance of our interpersonal relationships with each other, and we have learned that we are our “brother’s keeper.” We are held accountable to the degree that we are able, and that accountability is between God and us; therefore, aside from the importance of having a relationship with the Lord, where everything begins, our relationship with each other is critical.  Jesus was asked about the most important commandments—a great question, because by then, they had made commandments from commandments—and Jesus replied in Mark 12:29-31 saying (paraphrased):  “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, soul, mind and strength and thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”  These two statements, in and of themselves, are a study, but they support the underlying point that the success or fruitfulness of our lives is underpinned in giving attention and time to the adherence of these two commandments.

 

I want to turn now from our relationship to one another and give time and learning to a critically important relationship—our closest “neighbor”—our spouse.  I have been married to Lisa for 34 years, and I will often tell others that I have her really fooled.  In this day and age, and considering we were married at the age of 22 (myself) and 21 (Lisa), we are a rarity and totally get the expression:  “poorer than church mice.”  In today’s society, we were but kids. Having our first child at ages 23 and 22, there was no time to “grow up.”  We just had to be. With all the struggles that come with life and raising a family, if we could make it, I am confident that any couple can make it, but they don’t.  Last I heard, statistics show there are as many divorces as marriages, and this does not account for the high percentage of people who are living together and in many cases raising families.

 

I know as we start this new series on marriage, I am going to “step on people’s toes”—people who are my friends; people who are dear to me. Yet, without a fraction of doubt in my heart, I irrevocably believe that God’s way is best and that there is no better action we can take or do than to align our lives in accordance with God’s Word. If this had not been the resolve of Lisa and me, it would be questionable whether we would be celebrating 35 years of marriage, nor could the fallout of a divorce be measured in the impact it would have had on our girls, which is seen in so many of our kids’ lives. Aside from our girls, we have “adopted” in heart another girl, Reyna, whom I have known, and to whom I have been a father figure, since she was 16 years old and who now is 30.  She in turn has cared for two children she has known since they were 3 and 5 years of age and who now are 11 and 13.  During Easter, they were at our home for dinner, and this was the first time we actually got to know the kids and interact with them. Given their lack of parental influence, they were a joy to have over, much to Reyna’s credit and influence.  Recently, Reyna and I were discussing how to answer the oldest one’s question about whether or not she should have sex—keep in mind she’s only 13 years old.  My initial response was to say that God has reserved sex for marriage.  Reyna interrupted me and said, “I don’t think they know what marriage is.  They could not believe that you and Lisa were married, especially for 34 years!  None of their friends come from homes with both parents.”  I almost cried.  What untold and immeasurable damage we “adults” are causing to the lives of our children by exercising “our freedom” to divorce and remarry, to break our marriage covenants, and in general live out our lives at the expense of our children. We use the excuse that we are incompatible, but when we got married, we were perfectly compatible! What happened? There are Biblical grounds for divorce, and even in these cases, counseling is strongly encouraged.

 

As we begin this series on “Wisdom for Marriage,” my heart is heavy and my words at times may be direct. Our kids should not be experiencing the fallout from our self-centered ways.  Many of us “adults” were raised in such environments and have not had healthy examples of marriage or being parents.  Consequently, though we try to do right by our kids, we come to marriage and parenthood with little or no tools.  My goal of this series is to equip us, and by God’s grace to right the wrongs we have suffered in our early lives.  For those of us who have had a relatively sound upbringing and, therefore, have had a healthy marriage and family life, may these devotions support and strengthen what you already have established.  I encourage you to send me emails on things that have helped your marriage and/or parenting skills, so the rest of us can benefit.  I am by no means coming to you as an authority, only as one who has seen God work in our marriage and with our girls, and I am still learning and face my own challenges.  This I know, however, that for the man or woman who honors God in his or her life decisions, God will honor, and the spinoff of that will be felt and seen in all of his or her relationships, especially in his or her family.

 

May this now serve as the introduction into this series and the point of reference from which I will be writing.  We will start next week with the verse quoted above.  Until then, may the love of God’s Word and your communion with Him in prayer become the bread you eat and the air you breathe.  Let’s be real.  Our families and spouses need us to be.

 

Father God,

I am not an authority on this subject, but may You teach through me what You have taught me. I can only give that which has been given to me. So, may Your wisdom come out and may marriages be healed; may families come together and may children know they are loved, as Your love comes into our relationships and heals and completes that which the enemy has sought to rob and destroy. This I ask of You Father.  Thank You and Amen.

 

Dios lo Bendiga – Arthur

 

 Proverbs 24:10-12:

10 If you faint in the day of adversity,

your strength is small.

^11 jRescue those who are being taken away to death;

hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.

¹²    If you say, “Behold, we did not know this,”

does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?

Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it,

and will he not repay man according to his work?

 

I have thought about these verses often—at first not really understanding them—but as life gave me more experiences, these “mystery verses” have become clearer.  This devotional, like the last one, will be challenging.  In context, Verse 10 references a time of trial:  “If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.”  Adversity is defined as anguish or affliction, and faint is to become weak, to walk away, or to leave alone.  The verse references those times we should have stood up and said something or should have taken action on someone’s behalf, but we didn’t.  I believe we all share those regrets. There is a saying—not a proverb—that states:  “Unless you stand for something, you will fall for everything.”   Wefall or faint because our strength (character) is weak.  We are too worried about what others will say or will think of us, or we are too occupied with our own agenda to step out and do the right thing.  There are days of adversity that befall all of us, and these days measure our character, whether we live out our faith or personal belief, or we buckle under the pressure.  Natural disasters, such as the ones that occurred in Oklahoma, are one example of adversity.  Fortunately, in these extreme cases, the best of who we are appears, as we give ourselves to help others.  Verse 10 addresses this.

 

Verse 11 speaks of those falsely accused and sentenced to death because of a crime they did not commit:  “Rescue those who are being taken away to death; hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.”  We know the truth and we fail to speak out (forbear), allowing the innocent to suffer. One reason this verse is difficult for me is because my experience in these situations is extremely limited.  The closest I came were the years I taught in prison ministries.  I was very foreign to that environment, but I determined that God had my back and that I was going to do my best to teach these men the gospel.  It went well, and after my third year, I felt a couple of them could take over the study. In addition to prison ministries, we find many examples outside those walls where injustices are being perpetrated. Let’s look at a situation where a coworker is unjustly accused of something that someone else did, and we remain silent. What about when one of our classmates is being derided, and even if we do not participate, we do not attempt to stop it.  Character and strength is measured in times like these, and often the reason we don’t speak up is because of our own insecurities or fears that we will become the next target or become cast out from the group. The last part of Verse 11 gives caution to these thoughts.

 

Verse 12 speaks of the decision we must make regarding whether we conform to the group or societal norms, or whether we speak out because our conscience answers to God:  “If you say, ‘Behold, we did not know this,’ does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?  Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it, and will he not repay man according to his work?”  No one can answer for the conscience of another, but God who sees will render to each man and woman the “harvest” of the deeds done and the words spoken. God help us to value Biblical truth in an age where everything but Biblical truth is believed.  May we live in such a way that our life becomes the scriptures that people read, and in so reading, may find a desire in themselves to know more.

 

Father God,

The salmon swim against the currents, and in so doing only the strong spawn; birds take off against the wind, and in so doing reach the heights; and for faith to be fortified, it too must be forged in times of trial and difficulty.  Help us to do the right thing in those moments when our character is tested, and help us to seek to be honoring to You.  At times, opportunities come only once.  Enable us to be the difference—to be Christ to that person. Thank you and Amen.

 

Dios lo Bendiga – Arthur