Proverbs Chapter 5: 1,3,4,8,9,10
1. My son, be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding
3. For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil,
4. but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.
8. Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house,
9. lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless,
10. lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner
We have had two studies concerning the importance of our interpersonal relationships with each other, and we have learned that we are our “brother’s keeper.” We are held accountable to the degree that we are able, and that accountability is between God and us; therefore, aside from the importance of having a relationship with the Lord, where everything begins, our relationship with each other is critical. Jesus was asked about the most important commandments—a great question, because by then, they had made commandments from commandments—and Jesus replied in Mark 12:29-31 saying (paraphrased): “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, soul, mind and strength and thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” These two statements, in and of themselves, are a study, but they support the underlying point that the success or fruitfulness of our lives is underpinned in giving attention and time to the adherence of these two commandments.
I want to turn now from our relationship to one another and give time and learning to a critically important relationship—our closest “neighbor”—our spouse. I have been married to Lisa for 34 years, and I will often tell others that I have her really fooled. In this day and age, and considering we were married at the age of 22 (myself) and 21 (Lisa), we are a rarity and totally get the expression: “poorer than church mice.” In today’s society, we were but kids. Having our first child at ages 23 and 22, there was no time to “grow up.” We just had to be. With all the struggles that come with life and raising a family, if we could make it, I am confident that any couple can make it, but they don’t. Last I heard, statistics show there are as many divorces as marriages, and this does not account for the high percentage of people who are living together and in many cases raising families.
I know as we start this new series on marriage, I am going to “step on people’s toes”—people who are my friends; people who are dear to me. Yet, without a fraction of doubt in my heart, I irrevocably believe that God’s way is best and that there is no better action we can take or do than to align our lives in accordance with God’s Word. If this had not been the resolve of Lisa and me, it would be questionable whether we would be celebrating 35 years of marriage, nor could the fallout of a divorce be measured in the impact it would have had on our girls, which is seen in so many of our kids’ lives. Aside from our girls, we have “adopted” in heart another girl, Reyna, whom I have known, and to whom I have been a father figure, since she was 16 years old and who now is 30. She in turn has cared for two children she has known since they were 3 and 5 years of age and who now are 11 and 13. During Easter, they were at our home for dinner, and this was the first time we actually got to know the kids and interact with them. Given their lack of parental influence, they were a joy to have over, much to Reyna’s credit and influence. Recently, Reyna and I were discussing how to answer the oldest one’s question about whether or not she should have sex—keep in mind she’s only 13 years old. My initial response was to say that God has reserved sex for marriage. Reyna interrupted me and said, “I don’t think they know what marriage is. They could not believe that you and Lisa were married, especially for 34 years! None of their friends come from homes with both parents.” I almost cried. What untold and immeasurable damage we “adults” are causing to the lives of our children by exercising “our freedom” to divorce and remarry, to break our marriage covenants, and in general live out our lives at the expense of our children. We use the excuse that we are incompatible, but when we got married, we were perfectly compatible! What happened? There are Biblical grounds for divorce, and even in these cases, counseling is strongly encouraged.
As we begin this series on “Wisdom for Marriage,” my heart is heavy and my words at times may be direct. Our kids should not be experiencing the fallout from our self-centered ways. Many of us “adults” were raised in such environments and have not had healthy examples of marriage or being parents. Consequently, though we try to do right by our kids, we come to marriage and parenthood with little or no tools. My goal of this series is to equip us, and by God’s grace to right the wrongs we have suffered in our early lives. For those of us who have had a relatively sound upbringing and, therefore, have had a healthy marriage and family life, may these devotions support and strengthen what you already have established. I encourage you to send me emails on things that have helped your marriage and/or parenting skills, so the rest of us can benefit. I am by no means coming to you as an authority, only as one who has seen God work in our marriage and with our girls, and I am still learning and face my own challenges. This I know, however, that for the man or woman who honors God in his or her life decisions, God will honor, and the spinoff of that will be felt and seen in all of his or her relationships, especially in his or her family.
May this now serve as the introduction into this series and the point of reference from which I will be writing. We will start next week with the verse quoted above. Until then, may the love of God’s Word and your communion with Him in prayer become the bread you eat and the air you breathe. Let’s be real. Our families and spouses need us to be.
Father God,
I am not an authority on this subject, but may You teach through me what You have taught me. I can only give that which has been given to me. So, may Your wisdom come out and may marriages be healed; may families come together and may children know they are loved, as Your love comes into our relationships and heals and completes that which the enemy has sought to rob and destroy. This I ask of You Father. Thank You and Amen.
Dios lo Bendiga – Arthur