As we begin this series, please be mindful that topics discussed are mature in content. I know some of you share the devotional’s with your children or grandchildren.
1 Corinthians 7:2-5:
2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
The above verses speak directly to issues we all face regarding marital intimacy, given the pressures and stresses of life. With school, sport functions, late nights doing homework, summer camps, and sport activities, etc., time to connect as husband and wife all but disappears. Without knowing it, we are now living our lives for our children and in some cases for our grandchildren, impacting our own time to connect with our spouse. The bedroom conversation goes something like this: “You want what? I’m exhausted!” Another one is: “You have got to be kidding!” Then the lights go out. As this repeats itself, whether it is because of the kids or because of hectic or opposite work schedules, our intimacy with each other is slowly being eroded. It is to our detriment to allow demands and choices we make to crowd out this vital part of our relationship. Intimacy, a combination of physical, emotional, and even spiritual oneness, is a need of the human soul, and we must recognize and acknowledge that. When we get to a point in our marriage that being intimate with our spouse feels strange, then we know we have gone too far. We have allowed the demands of life to crowd out the heart of our marriage.
“The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.” Men, as husbands, we must understand that we are sending out our wife into the workforce/world with her deepest needs not being met, making her vulnerable to the attention and compliments of other men. Women, you, as wives, are sending your husband out into the workforce/world with his needs not being met, making him receptive to the praise and respect of other women. All that really has to happen is for someone to be consistently kind, give us an ear, a few compliments, nothing overt, and we can find emotions in us beginning to develop. Even if we don’t want to have feelings, it is almost guaranteed that feelings will develop—we are all subject to this. There is not one of us who does not respond to someone who is kind, who appreciates us, and who values who we are. This is an inward need we all have. We must turn our hearts to home, cancel karate or dance, skip that PTA meeting, and bring the fever pitch of the home down. Start making dinner at home, eat together as a family, talk to each other, keep the television turned off, listen to music (I personally enjoy Christian music) and end the evening early enough so that there is time to talk and be together.
“For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” In this day of equality between men and women, this verse does not carry the “shock” that it did when Paul penned it and especially to the congregation to whom it was written. Corinth, the city where the Corinthian church was located, was the Sodom and Gomorrah of Paul’s day. Even by pagan standards, Corinth was the dregs of society. The city was on a major trade route, making it extremely affluent and a magnet for all sorts of crime and violence. Also in Corinth existed the temple of Aphrodite. Aphrodite was the goddess of love and beauty, and at her temple, there were nightly a thousand temple priestesses (prostitutes), who would come down into the city and practice their trade. Adultery, fornication, and debauchery were common practices in this society. A wife’s role was to bear children and take care of the home. Sexual pleasure came from a man’s concubines, whose children became slaves, and the “priestesses” were for “religious sexual worship.” The view of a woman in this culture can be best summed up in this Jewish prayer: “God, I thank you that I am not a beast of burden, a Gentile, or a woman.” Women had no rights or respect in this society, yet Paul, guided by the Holy Spirit, penned “that a woman had ‘rights’ (power) over her husband’s body.” This probably went over like a tidal wave. I would not even be surprised that Paul, a devout Jew himself, did not question it at first. Yet God’s Word is God’s Word, and God has always placed a woman next to a man—from man’s side did she come and by his side is she to be: a helpmate. In an over-packed schedule, the purpose of this relationship is lost, and we leave the home emotionally hungry, giving opportunity to outside influences.
The only allowance given is for personal devotion to the Lord: “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together (sexual intimacy) again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” I am now in my early fifties, and I have been married to Lisa for 34 years. All successful, long-term relationships, faith-based or not, have found the secret to living together. Yet for me, the blessing of being not only united physically and emotionally, but also in faith, adds another dimension that gives hope, direction, and strength, especially with a family. There is a unity of the spirit that exceeds that of the soul. It’s a “God presence” that blesses the home. In this context, when Paul talked about agreeing for a limited time to devote ourselves to prayer, it sounds like the couple shared a ministry and they agreed to spend their “together time” in prayer and fasting, but only for that predetermined period, and it was for seeking God, not for other reasons.
Marriage, especially a good marriage, is not for the weak or faint of heart. It takes commitment, courage, and most of all selflessness, where score is not kept and forgiveness is given. Words like “quit, separation, and divorce,” except for reasons of infidelity or abuse, are not used. If these words are not options, then no matter how difficult the road, a solution will be found or God will give the grace to continue forward. Here is a personal example of how our differences can become our strengths. Lisa and I are opposites in many ways. I am outgoing, like a Labrador, and she is more reserved. As we go through life together “holding hands,” it is like we are trying to pull the other one to our side of the road, hence the tension, but by doing that, we neither go right, nor do we go left, and guess what? We go straight. Our differences and strengths all serve for our “together betterment,” and that is marriage.
Father God,
Thank you for this study in your Word. Help us to understand that we are not in competition with our spouses, but we are a team. As a team, we need to work together with one goal—it is not about the individual but the whole, and the decisions we make are to benefit the whole. If our spouse is not there yet, let us rely on You, Father God. For in all circumstances, You bring strength and hope. Thank you and Amen.
Move forward in His Grace –